When The Stars Shine Bright Enough
by BusyQuill
Summary: A Xena and Ares story told from Xena's point of view, takes place after To helicon and back.


DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters, yadayadayada, but I wish I owned Ares  
  
SUBTEXT/SEX: a few mild references to sex, if I wrote subtext my fellow Shippers would make me endue the HOM-DAI (worst of all Egyptian curses)  
  
VIOLENCE: not really  
  
RATING: PG-13 as I'm 13 *shrug* needs a rating!  
  
TIMELINE: after To Helicon And Back  
  
SUMMARY: this is from Xena's POV  
  
WRITER'S NOTE: I love Ares, my dress sense is like Angelina Jolie's, I love Ares, Xena IS GREAT!!!! I've completed Tomb Raider two and my fave film is the Mummy. Please, send me feedback!  
  
Do the stars shine brightly?  
  
By Inita  
  
To see a world in a grain of sand  
  
And a heaven in a wild flower  
  
Hold eternity in the palm of your hand  
  
And eternity in an hour.   
  
----------------------------------------  
  
William Blake  
  
`Have you ever stopped to think about the people you hurt?' No, not often. I just don't seem to realise my actions have consequences and my words cut deeper than my blade. I can't help but react on the heat of the moment, if I do something or say something wrong, I try to make up for it...when I want to. The truth is, I'm selfish, I know I help quite a lot of people but I do it for glory. My best friend always tells me differently, but I know better. I am like a snake and my choice of phrases are venom. I just don't realise how lucky I am to have him. I don't want to realise, I don't want to. I always say it's because I'll turn evil, but the reason I don't is because I `am' evil. I want to play these games with him, I'm trying to make him beg. Gabrielle hates him, I don't know how I feel about him and Eve despises him. But they both keep telling me I'm doing the right thing, and my conscious tells me otherwise.  
  
I don't want to be evil, I don't want to feel this way, but I do. It's like an itch where you know not to scratch it but you have no control over yourself, so you just go ahead and make it worse. If I kissed him it's be relief, hugged him even better, I could make the list go on. But no, not Xena warrior Princess, she's got to fight him, hurt him, play games with his head. Give as good as you get, I'll be awaiting his sword plunging into my heart then. But he doesn't, he just looks like an innocent little boy, who never gives up. I love him...I don't. I just think he's cute in that way. He's always wanting me, everything he does seems to be for one goal...me. But I pull back, I feel overwhelmed, but I still manage to insert the nasty comment into our conversation, a sly punch in his gut for doing nothing but love me.  
  
Maybe if the stars shone bright enough we'd be together, or if the rain poured long enough. My dreams are all about him, but not to fall upon other's ears. Gabrielle occasionally asks me why I make noises when I sleep, I tell her I was dreaming about fighting a Cyclops, it's the only thing I can come up with.  
  
I want to be happy, but then again so does everyone I come across. Can someone really be happy? Have pure happiness within them? Who knows. I sense he's watching me, from Olympus of course. He's always watching me from there when we've had a `falling out'. I want him to appear, I want to apologise, but if he did show up...I'd change my mind. But as I think these thoughts I see him in front of me, the trees shading the pasture he stands in. I pull Argo to a halt and dismount. I don't smile, frown, scowl or the rest. I just look emotionless. He looks like a dog who's done something wrong, pleading for his master to forgive him. I want to whisper that I do forgive him, then kiss him to show I mean it. But instead we march up to each other and stare each other in the eye. He's trying to say sorry, like I am, but instead we remain just a breath's inch apart, waiting for the other to speak. Finally, I open my mouth and let whatever my brain is saying be heard. ``What do you  
want?''. That's a great start huh? I want to kiss him so I say with the utmost anger `What do you want?'. He knows I didn't mean to sound so bad, so he looks deeper into my eyes and I feel helpless. Like I've been hypnotised by this incredibly gorgeous man. He pushes some hair behind my ear and I melt with his touch before he mutters "I'm sorry". I frown slightly, letting my brain take over again "so you should be" I reply. What is it with me and self control? I have none! That's what it is! "I know I should" he frowned back pulling away "but I didn't mean to get Eve or Gabrielle hurt"  
  
I want to stroke him, tell him everything's ok and I forgive him, like the cute little puppy he is. But instead I scowl and march up to him again, his back is turned on me. "oh! That's rich! I forgive you Ares for nearly getting us all killed!" I shout, he knows I'm hurt just as much as him. I acted fine when he told me how brilliant I was, but now it seems I've changed. He turns to face me and takes hold of my shoulders. I gasp slightly and his grip is tight, his fingers digging into my skin, almost ensuring the appearance of bruises. "I never meant to hurt you, but it's what I do. You mess up my plans and I mess up yours, we were born to play a large part in war, for better or for worse. We'll be together Xena, one way or the other." He let go of me and rubbed the red patches he left behind. "when the stars shine bright enough" he silently whispers, I almost couldn't hear it "I was born to be the God of war, if I could change it I would, but I CAN'T! I want to Xena, so  
much, if that would mean we'd be together in the good use of the word" he pulls his hands away sharply and turns his back on me again. I divert my eyes down then quickly draw them back up and he turns to face me again.  
  
He stands looking at me, waiting for me to speak, but I don't I just stare blankly at him. We stand looking at each other again, until he opens his mouth... "where's Gabrielle?" I soften slightly "she's at Potidaea visiting Sarah and Lila. I was going to go but I decided I needed some time alone to think. But I have nothing due to giving it to Gabrielle, she seemed to need it more than me" I hint, he knows what I mean. I can tell by the frown he's wearing.  
  
Have the stars burnt out? Has the rain dried up? No, it hasn't, it's just waiting for me to go mad with insanity. We undress each other with our eyes, trying to find the emotion we're hiding. We both want the same, I'm just too much of a coward to take it.  
  
I can control other people is I want to, but I can't control myself. It's embarrassing. `The great warrior princess can't speak her feelings, she buries herself in lies.' What do I have to be afraid of? Am I so vain that I can't bare to be seen in love with someone? Even when...if I love someone? Ares and I have always been entwined. Since the moment he showed me his thread of life on the Fates loom, where a tiny red thread was mingled in it, and a tiny red thread was missing from mine. We never asked what the thread represented, we didn't want to know...well, I didn't want to know, I was afraid it was hate, now I'm afraid it is love.  
  
Love is a word seldom used by warriors, and the God of War. I've heard the word `love' muttered from his lips only a few times, each time directed at me. Gabrielle speaks of love as though it is the strongest power on Earth, but how does lies cover it?  
  
I want to drop to my knees, and cry the tears I've never shed. Tears over everything I never cried over. Maybe if I did that he'd see how much I want him, need him, and he'd retire from his stupid job. But he can't retire, as he said, he wouldn't be the God of war if he didn't have to be. If he died, ever, I would scream. I couldn't bare it. If I had killed him during the Twilight, I would've committed suicide. I don't know why, it's just what I feel.  
  
He speaks again, this time feeling quite hurt, as though he's thinking the same thoughts as me. "I don't want to see you hurt" he knows as well as I do that sounded pathetic and out of place. But we also know he means it. He doesn't want to see me hurt. "I don't want you to hurt me" I reply sounding the same as him. We're way out of character, we're sounding too mushy, as though we're Gabrielle and one of her flings. But maybe it's good to be softer than usual, we're always withdrawn behind large stone faces, it's time we let the sunlight hit us, for a few seconds. I shake my head "we shouldn't be here, we shouldn't be talking to each other like this"  
  
He nods before adding something to our messages. "we shouldn't open up" I nod back at him "right!" I agree. A tear forms in my eyes, but I blink it back. "never is a long time to wait for me Ares"  
  
He smiles, instantly making me smile "oh, I'm not worrying, I'm just waiting for the stars to shine bright enough" I laugh slightly "and the rain to pour long enough" we hug, the first time we really have. Then he kisses me, lustfully, but softly. A real no-strings-attached kiss, that I kiss back to. The taste is quenching, I feel happy. When he pulls away he disappears, leaving me unresolved. "when the stars shine bright enough" I mutter to myself "when the rain pours long enough" my head echoes back. I shake my head smiling and mount Argo.  
  
As I ride through the forest, licking my lips to savour his taste, a rip forms in the sky, letting down the rain. 


End file.
